in pursuing a particular goal, you’ll probably encounter a few bumps along the way. you may trip, get frustrated with yourself, and as a result, may give up too soon.

for instance, you decide to start saving some money for a trip overseas. things seem to go well for a few months. then one day you find you can not resist using the vacation money you’ve collected so far towards a down payment for a new motorcycle.  or you realize you hadn’t contributed to the trip fund for a few weeks. you feel terrible soon after, decide that you’re a failure and you’ll never achieve your goals.  you quit your goal. what’s the point? i’m just too weak, you say.

the other month i was weak and bought 2 books brand new instead of discounted/used online. i was having a particularly anxious and stressful day at work that day, and decided i really needed to read a good book on career changes and finding the right work for me. i ‘needed’ the book, do what you are, right away. i also happened to encounter the book problogger, and had to have that too. i spent about $45+ on those two books.

i got home and skimmed through the career book over the next several days. but then i realized that i could wait/have waited to read that book. i actually hadn’t even touched the problogger book yet. i should go return them to barnes and noble, and order used copies for cheaper at amazon. i could wait a few weeks for my own used copies, and save $20+!

eventually, i reflected that i didn’t really ‘need’ to have my own copy of the career book — why don’t i just borrow one from the local public library? after all, i had been borrowing various types of books lately from there. it was silly i was ‘wasting’ money otherwise. then i could save an additional $10 or so! (take or give a few for the cost of gas from driving back and forth to the bookstore, and to the library.) if i decided i really, really enjoyed the book and found it worthwhile to acquire my own copy, then i could get one.

over the next few weeks, i thought often about returning the books in the back of my mind. but for some reason, i was feeling ‘lazy’ and resisted. two weeks and a half later, i finally decided to buckle down and return the books.

of course, as luck would have it, it was too late. apparently, their policy had changed for quite some time now and you had to return the books within 14 days of purchase, not 30 days. i had not recently read this updated policy on the back of the receipt. i’m really sorry there’s nothing i can do about it, the girl at the register said seemingly genuinely. really? i asked, dismayed. i turned my receipt over. sure enough, 14 days. oops. sigh. great going, i told myself. i understand, i told the salesgirl. but it is rather disappointing, i added.

so, instead of spending only about $9-17 online, i spent 45+, losing ~$25-35 !! $25-35 that could have gone towards my debt payments !!

i had been doing so well not wasting money for the past month or two. as a result, i felt really lame and badly about this latest ‘waste’. why was i so weak and impatient when it came to books? i mentally beat myself up over it for a while, gloomily wandering the aisles while i waited for the SO to return from an errand. then i remembered something i read somewhere on the web. reworded, it went something like this:

if you have a setback in pursuing a new habit or goal, don’t beat yourself up over it. realize that it was a mistake, that mistakes will happen, you had faltered for a moment, but that you’ll keep on moving forward, and continue trying.

for instance, leo at zenhabits mentions something to this effect in his article, 4 simple steps to start the exercise habit:

So I know that it’s not the easiest habit for most people, and most people’s experiences consist of starting and stopping and starting again. Which is fine — don’t beat yourself up about it. The important thing is starting again.

i felt better, and perked up considerably. yea! i told myself. shake it off — it was a minor setback. just learn your lesson from this and move on. if it makes me feel additionally better, i can give up a few weeks or instances of cafe visits or dining out.

if you falter in your pursuit of a goal, don’t berate yourself or give up so fast! acknowledge that we are not perfect, learn from the mistake, and move on.

have you encountered a similar situation in your own life recently? how did you handle the situation?
what do you do or say to yourself when you have disappointing moments such as these?